You are a writer and reader. You love books. So do I! We can talk together about books for hours. Let’s say we decide to. Let’s say we get together a group of like-minded writers and book-lovers and we talk about books together.
Then I start noticing something. The books that all of you like, and talk about, are written by Daniel, Joe, Steven, Jim; by Kevin and Brandon and Robert and John. So I say hey, maybe we should also talk about books written by women.
And to your credit, all of you say “Great idea!” But then you say, “I can’t find any books I like by women. Can you recommend some?”
And that is when I get cranky. Because friends, you are my friends, but let me tell you that this happens to me every time I say it. In my job. In my volunteer work. And here, with books. When I see a panel in my industry that is all men, I write to the organizer and suggest they strive for gender parity and their response, every single time I’ve done this, is to ask me: “We don’t know any women. All the women we asked declined. Can you recommend someone? Can you invite someone?”
“Can you do the work for us?”
Now multiply that by fifteen years, which is how long I’ve been in the male-dominated game industry. Do you see how that might get tiring? Do you see how that might discourage me, next time, from even bringing it up because I’m too exhausted? Do you see how asking me that is not, in fact, allyship, but is further displacing the work you should be doing onto me? How you’re making me responsible, making me the “expert” in something that I claim no expertise in?
I read a lot of women writers; but no, I don’t have a Rolodex at my fingertips. No, I don’t know if I can find the women writers than you would like, that fit into the categories you’re asking for.
And I shouldn’t have to.
Because what I’m really asking for, when I say we should talk more about women writers, is this: I’m asking you, my friends, to do the work. I’m asking you to be part of the allyship that pays attention to things like gender parity on a panel; or in a slate of books we’re talking about. I’m asking you not to put the burden on me to be the one that has to continually monitor and think about it and work on it. I’m asking you to be actively engaged in helping to make our small corner of the world more equitable and welcoming to women and everyone.
Do you think you can join me? I sure would appreciate it. Because I love books, and I think anyone can be a writer, and everyone can enjoy reading.