I’m working on a fanfiction. It’s interesting to me that I still feel slightly embarrassed by this statement, even though I have unabashedly read and loved fanfic for years. There’s something about taking it up myself, though, that gives me pause. I think it’s a mixture of feeling unwonted arrogance — who am I to decide how someone else’s world works? how beloved characters behave? — and a feeling that, somehow, writing fanfic is not fair. It’s cheating. The heavy lifting has been done by someone else and I’m just playing with their toys.
But, I also recognize that those feelings aren’t entirely rational and that fanfic has a hallowed place in fandom. It’s long been a way for fans to engage with worlds they love, and in many fandoms, it’s a practice embraced by the original authors. I clearly just need to get over it.
The other interesting thing I’ve noticed about writing fanfic is that it’s a lot like writing historical fiction (which, as a former historian, I still maintain is the best way to think about history. There’s nothing so effective as a truly excellent and conscientious historical novelist — Hilary Mantel comes to mind — to really blow the dust off of centuries-old texts.) There’s a great deal of research involved and to me, that’s the best part. I love research so much. I love tracking down obscure references and characters and imagining links between them. In my view, this is what good historians do. History writing is truly an exercise in imagination, but imagination based on available evidence.
And then, of course, there are the characters. I had my sister read a draft of my fanfic WIP and she commented that she could really hear the characters’ voices in her head. That’s one of the most rewarding things ever, to feel like you’re able to give life to a beloved character beyond what’s available in canon. While I’m writing, I feel that I’m embarking on new adventures with these characters again.
I forgot to mention that another emotion I associate with writing fanfic is guilt. That somehow fanfic writing is an indulgence, it’s not “serious,” it’s like eating chocolate instead of kale. But reflecting on the past few weeks of working on this piece has illuminated a lot for me about research, writing, and my own process. Yes, writing fanfic is super fun and addictive (chocolate is delicious) but I also think that there is a lot to learn from creating art in spaces that are not wholly your own. And I’m excited to explore more about what that means.